Thursday, August 30, 2012

Still No Cigs

As I sat down at my computer this morning with my coffee, getting ready for my usual job search, it dawned on me that I hadn't really craved a cigarette in a while. Coffee and cigarettes used to go hand in hand, but I'm nearing week 5 and the closest I've come to smoking again is a total of three drags on three separate occasions when I was inebriated; so drunk and out of control, in one case, that I was booted from my family reunion for swearing like a sailor in front of my aunts and nieces.

The urge for cigarettes isn't as strong. If someone lit up in front of me a few weeks ago I'd be foaming at the mouth, on the verge of asking for a drag. When my mom lit up in front of me yesterday, all I could think was, "That smells terrible." The smell is pungent too. I can smell my dad smoking while my door is closed and he's downstairs on the couch. As for the general public, I can smell the telltale ashtray odor of a smoker's clothing from across a store, all the while chuckling about how I used to stink as bad.

I can taste food again too, though I eat twice as much. To combat my hunger, I drink a lot of water, and I have started exercising 5 days a week. I'm up to 7 to 10 miles a session on my exercise bike, depending on the day, and I can almost run 3 miles without having to slow to a walk to catch my breath--it usually averages out to about half an hour. I can tell I'm not gaining weight, because when I tug on my stomach or under my chin there's less to hold on to and the skin is tighter. On a side-note, the pools of phlegm with black/gray clumps I've coughed up over the past month are pretty disgusting.

I think I've made progress. I'm not quite at a point where I can say I've kicked the habit for good, yet I think that day is a little closer. Right now, cigarettes are like an ex-lover that pop into my head at the oddest times, and I can feel the growing distance as we diverge onto separate paths, the yearning less as I learn to live without them.

1 comment:

  1. well, good for you. A neighbor of mine has been apologizing regularly to me for having smelled like an ashtray. Smoking, among its other attributes, STINKS. Yes, it's OK for other people to kill themselves, but not me!