Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Weirdest Thing You've Heard or Said

Comedian Lewis Black has a bit about sitting in a diner and hearing a woman say, "If it wasn't for my horse, I would've never spent that year in college." We all hear friends, family, and strangers say bizarre things, sentences that stick in our minds years after the fact, and in turn, whether we can admit it or not, we say them ourselves.

For instance, one of the weirdest things I can recall ever saying happened when I was living in Somerville, MA. I had a couple friends visiting from Pennsylvania and we went downtown to the bars. On the Night Owl bus ride back to Harvard Square, we talked about a waitress hitting on one of our friends. She was pretty, a slim brunette with a charming smile. He, however, either didn't realize she was hitting on him or wasn't interested. If I remember correctly, she offered him her number and he didn't understand why, resulting in an awkward moment.

Later, on the bus ride I mentioned, I told my friends, "I can't believe he turned her down. I would've built a boat on that shit." I don't think a second passed before my friends and the drunk couple sitting in front of us burst out laughing and wanted to know what I meant. When asked to explain my comment, I had no idea how. I had no idea what I was even talking about. To this day, I try to analyze: maybe I meant I'd lay down wood and stay afloat (wink, wink), maybe I didn't mean anything at all and simply said the first thing that came to mind, due to intoxication from roughly 8 Guinness, Jell-O shots, and a Scorpion Bowl, or maybe it was a rather large, failed euphemism that sounded better in my head than out loud. I don't know, but I thought about it this morning and it made me laugh.

Anyone else out there hear or say something ridiculous lately? Or have one to share from long ago?


  1. I probably do, but they end up in the ether.

  2. On the other hand, I used to say, "Why is life so COM...plicated?" and I didn't remember that I stole it from Complicated Life by the Kinks.